"It's My Money!"

What do you do when your kids have their own money? I'm not talking about when Grandma and Grandpa give them money for their birthday. I mean when they have jobs and they earn a significant amount. Enough to put in the bank for a while.

Several years ago my eldest son adopted a paper route for a local paper in our neighborhood. He was homeschooling and we were excited for the opportunity of responsibility for him. Everyday he would bag his papers and deliver them on time. Double bag if it's raining. There were even special accommodations he would make for some. For the most part, his customers were unfriendly actually - in fact some were down right grouchy. Very few actually tipped them. Maybe a handful at Christmastime. It was disheartening. But there were a few that made it all worthwhile for him. There was a gentlemen who was working on restoring an old WWII jeep in his garage. My son being a history and military buff, made friends. One day before he moved from the neighborhood, he finished that jeep and took my son for a ride in it. I bet other than the money that my son was able to bank, that is probably his greatest memory of the paper route.

After he had saved about $2,000.oo, we encouraged him to let his younger siblings have a shot at the route. In hindsight, I don't know if that was a good idea or not. But as parents, we live and learn. Son #2 took over the route and it truly didn't last very long. I honestly am not even sure how long he had it. I just know it was more hassle than anything else. It wasn't of interest to him and more work than he was willing to put out. So after a time, it rolled down to my third son.

Son #3 was also a brilliant paper boy. He also worked hard, was responsible and very diligent. That paper route landed him some other odd jobs from the customers who appreciated his efforts. He picked up some "house watching" jobs while people would vacation and added to his bank account. Those paychecks made him very happy and he earned each one.

After several years of our family being held hostage by a paper route, we determined it was time to let it go. It is an enormous responsibility for the entire family. Everyday that paper comes and has to go out - rain, sleet, snow, or sun! It meant having to find substitutions for you when you want to vacation. (Those were really hard to come by. Kids these days just don't want to be bothered.) The kids would come home early from friend's houses, the pool, sporting events or whatever they may be doing that day to get that afternoon paper out by 5pm on weekdays and they would get up early Saturday and Sunday to have those papers out before 7:00am all year long. The route hindered our ability to go away at a moment's notice and if someone made plans they needed to ask one of their siblings to cover the route. It was a good learning experience for our family but after many years - we were done.

Now during the course of those years, each of the boys had saved a great deal of money in the bank. They always had big plans for their money. My husband and I would laugh that they had spent that money over and over again in their minds but were careful when they actually started to spend it. We were proud of them for being "savers" and we felt like good lessons had been learned making those years worth it.

But as the kids have grown they have started to spend that money on different things. My oldest son had always talked about using that money to buy himself a car when he was 16. Not going to happen. Between the ages of 10 and 16, there was always something important that he needed to buy. Mostly airsoft guns, or paintball guns, video game consoles etc. The other sons followed suit always searching on Amazon for the next great purchase.

Over those years, we would limit them. We would try to reason with them about what would be the responsible thing to do. When they were younger, they would hear us out. They would listen and most times end up agreeing with us and letting the purchase go. Now don't get me wrong, there were the occasions where no matter what we said, they were going to get it cause they reeeaaalllly needed it. That was fine and it would be bought.

But soon we arrived at the time that the words, "It's my money", took over the conversation. At first, my husband and I would say that it didn't matter and we weren't going to let them piddle that money away. We knew that one day when they were older they would be sorry that they didn't have that money anymore. So we would do our best to defend against the multiple impulse buys they would have.

We would talk to them about their older half-sister who had lived with us during her high school years. She worked many jobs and long hours while she was in school. By the time she had graduated from high school she had saved $10,000 in a bank account. After graduating from college, she landed a good job in Washington D.C. and after a year of commuting, she decided to buy herself a new car with that money. They didn't want any part of that story. That money was burning a hole in all 3 boys pockets.

This past spring Son #2, (with the least money of all of the three boys) came to us with his dream to buy his surfboard. Now that boy had talked about surfing since he could walk. He had a surfer birthday party when he was 5. We tried the usual approach with our level headed frugal thoughts. But those word surfaced again. "It's my money."

One by one, each son had things they wanted to buy. The internet called their names in their sleep. Mornings began with "Look what I found." "This is a great deal." "I've always wanted one of these." And our evenings ended with, "Dad, did you look at the link I sent you?" "Mom, can you get it with your credit card, til I get to the bank?" But ultimately the fighting words, "It's my money", wore us out.

After discussing it, my husband and I decided to let them spend their money when they asked to buy something. It was clear they needed to learn the value of the dollar. Son #2 bought a surfboard. He has very little money left and now when he asks us for things we tell him, "You can buy it with your own money." That money isn't going too far.

The other two are still on their spending sprees. I have a feeling Son #1 will be sorry soon. He turned sixteen this summer and in about 6 months when he has his provisional license and wants to go out and has to fill the tank with gas, he will see how little of a distance that money will take him. Now he does still occasionally talk about using that money to start up some sort of a business and I have sparks where I feel proud of him - but for the most part he just wants what he wants when he wants it.

Our kids live in an expensive technological time. $2,000 doesn't go far after you've bought airsoft guns, paintball guns (and continuous boxes of paintballs and airsoft pellets), video games, iPods, cell phones etc. It's funny that now that they are teenagers and heading out to the mall or the movies they actually ask for money.

All of those years that we enabled them to save money...driving them on a freezing winter morning at 6 am to deliver those papers. Driving them at 4:30 during the hot summer thunderstorm. Sitting on the living room sofa bagging those papers, so they could hurry up and get back to their friends. Hmm.

Sometimes I don't know if we did the right thing. I don't know if we should have made them save that money or made those purchases. It's hard to know what's best sometimes.

The other day our son looks at us and says, "What chores do you have for me to do to earn $250?"

Did he really just say that?