Mom on Strike

Teenagers can be very self-centered creatures.

I am not particularly fond of the eyes that teenagers see through. They really have difficulty seeing past themselves. I used to think that it was just my children and punished myself for a poor mothering job. But I have been purposefully watching the interaction of other teens with their parents and friends. They all think the world revolves around them as if parents aren't real people, with real feelings.

We were trying to plan our Saturday afternoon since we had a few unscheduled hours. This afternoon my son said something that summarized what has been irritating me. Now I am paraphrasing - but it was something to the extent of: "Our lives are completely monopolized by school and football when we get a little time off, we'd like to do what WE enjoy." Let that one sit for a minute.

I counted to ten after he said that. I took air in through my nose and let it out through my mouth. Before I knew what was coming, I had replied. "Guess what? My life is pretty much monopolized with parenting, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, working, and running errands. When I get a little time off (which is rare) why does it have to be doing what YOU want to do?" I don't know where that came from. It just flew right out of my mouth!

I looked around the room at my family. No one said a word. But not because I had made my point with some great impact. But because they didn't care. They were unfazed. My irritation rapidly began to build. I thought about an after school special that had been on television when I was a kid. There was a mother who got sick of the whole thing and went on strike. She pitched a tent in her front yard and soon she had women from all over town pitching tents along side her in her yard. I could imagine myself doing this. I could imagine dozens of women flocking to accompany me. I had to shake the daydream before I was climbing the stairs to search for the tent.

I ask my children to do very little around this house to be very honest. I want them to focus on their studies and activities. But frankly, I am starting to poop out. This weekend after homeschooling my two kids and having a mammogram, I had a high school Friday night football game while daughter had dance rehearsals that we didn't return home til around 10:30pm after leaving the house at 4pm. Saturday morning Son #1 and Son #2 had to be back at football practice at 8:15 am and daughter had to be back at dance rehearsal at 10:30 am. My husband took the boys to practice and made a Walmart run on the way back, remembering the cat was out of food and pretty hungry. (Since she is 19 years old - it's probably best not to let that fester.) Meanwhile Son #3 had a football game at 11:15 that I never made it to because I was running with the others. I also managed to go to the grocery store buy $330.oo worth of food and unload all of the groceries before retrieving Son #1 and Son #2 at 12:00. Throughout this entire schedule I have been doing laundry non stop. Not easy laundry either. We're talking school uniforms that have to be removed and hung immediately, smelly football clothes that get washed double and dance clothes that are washed as delicates and hung to dry. We are talking your real pain in the you know what kind of laundry.

When we get home the beat down begins. All 3 boys are chomping at the bit to get to the yacht club for waverunning and skimboarding. My husband and I discuss this situation as we go to retrieve my daughter. We consider going to the county fair with the family rather than heading to the club. When we pick my daughter up from her dance rehearsal at 1:30pm, she informs us that she is not feeling well. Her stomach is upset. So much for the fair. When we get home - she goes to bed. On top of that, she has a fractured foot and has been in an aircast for the past two weeks...walking at the fair would probably not have been ideal.

We get home only for the beat down to continue. Son #3 wants us to order his visor for his football helmet and is pretty much obsessed with this task. Son #1 and Son #2 are positioning their line of questioning about going to the club. At this point, I am not a good person to hold a conversation with as it is 2:00 and I haven't had anything to eat yet today. So I know that I must feed myself in order to be rational. I make chicken salad. No bread. No gluten. Just chicken salad. I sit at my kitchen island alone eating my chicken salad listening to the shake of the washing machine and knowing that the clinking of the dryer is about to be finished. I wonder if I should stop eating and go set the dryer to fluff air or if I have enough time to woof it down.

I walk out to the family room and ask my family members to please pick up their belongings that have come into the house on each flurry of activity and been left. The cleats, football bags, gloves, shoes, backpacks, dance bag, and today's junk mail clutter the kitchen and family room. I ask that all of the dirty cups and dishes that were strewn this morning and last night as every one scoffed down their snacks and breakfasts be taken care of. I continue to change laundry over and fold it, putting it into piles. No one moves. I repeat the request a second time. For a third time, I repeat the request. It is at this moment, that I have flashes of me getting up and walking out. Not one person in that house made eye contact with me any of the 3 times I said it. Not one.

The next thing I know they are all in bathing suits getting ready to walk out of the door to go have "big fun." It is at this time that I raise my voice and make everyone stop in their tracks. I caution them and recount how many times I have asked them to take care of their belongings. There is a brief time of activity. I walk past the kitchen sink that is now full of dishes from their "clean up" to make the next change over of laundry. I can't help but notice that on top of the washing machine and on the floor in front of it are 2 more piles of dirty clothes that magically appeared after my request. I look at the 3 empty hamper bins that these clothes did not make it to...

They hop into the truck and off they go. I will be here with daughter who is not feeling well and wouldn't have been able to enjoy anytime at the club in her boot regardless. I will continue to do laundry, vacuum, do the dishes, empty the dishwasher, prepare dinner and get ready for their return. As I think about this I feel really angry. Last weekend it was the same thing. Saturday they were all off having their "big fun" while I did all of the these same chores. Now I don't work during the weekdays - I homeschool, I teach 7 ballet classes and I drive the taxi service and I spend hours watching football games each weekend...am I wrong to want help?

So I was just wondering, when is my free time? I have had to cancel my last three hair appointments. My last appointment was in July. My roots are 3 inches long and my gray is shimmering in the sunshine and my hair has grown into a completely different hairstyle. The paint on my nails is chipping and I haven't painted those in a month. Neither of these things do I consider to be my free time. At 40 years old, they are necessities for my sanity. Doing these things, keep me from becoming a hysterical mess and ending up in jail. Plan on having to come bail me out soon...

I could have dragged my daughter and gone with them I suppose. I did do that the other weekend. But let's be clear about something, I don't even consider going to the yacht club my "free time". I don't ride the wave runner. I don't skim board. I don't bait hooks with blood worms. I don't take nasty fish off of the hook either. I don't do much of anything when we are there but watch them do everything they want to do. Sort of like I have done every other day for the past 16 years.

So I started thinking what would I want to do with my free time? I haven't been to see the new waterfront in Washington DC. I'd like that. I'd like to take a drive and pick some apples. I think about finding a little pier to go crabbing like I used to near my grandmother's home. Those are things that I would like to do with free time right now.

Then I think about all that I NEED to do. I need to buy wrapping paper because I have some gifts to wrap. Son #2 has a list of supplies that he needs for school this week. I need to go get those. I need to pick up my watch that I left at the jewelers nearly 3 months ago. They've called me for about 3 weeks to pick it up. I figure by the time I show up - they will have sold it to someone else.

When you become a parent, there is no such thing as free time. Some days I'm okay with that. In fact, probably most days. I do understand that it isn't about me right now. It is about them. And that is what parents do - they put their kids first. Most times I would just suck it up and do what needed to be done. On any other day, they would have gone to do their thing and I wouldn't have minded so much. But when my teenager opened his mouth and made his declaration about HIS free time - I saw red. I think most parents are happy to comply. We just want our children to be grateful. Thankful. Not argumentative about deserving something more.

Honestly, the only thing keeping me from being on strike right now is that I don't know how to put up the flipping tent. But it is entirely possible that I might get angry enough to figure it out. Keep an eye on your local news...