Looking for Moments of Peace

I am always searching for my moment of peace.

I am always trying to create the atmosphere, the environment, the condition of peace. I am usually expecting those moments when there is a lull in our scheduled activities. Sundays. So on Fridays and Saturdays in between running to all of the games and rehearsals, I go to the grocery store and buy everyone's favorites. Rice pudding. Sliced roast beef and turkey for sandwiches. Candy caramel apples. This trip I even bought the ingredients to make POG - that delightful Hawaiian concoction that made our Maui vacation perfection a few years ago. I am preparing for a peaceful weekend. I finish all of the laundry in the house including all towels and rugs. Everyone's clothes are fresh and on hangers. I clean the house for hours. Floors are all mopped. Glass windexed. Counters cleaned. Furniture dusted. I'm ready for my moments of peace.

The next morning I get up and make Sunday breakfast. Scrambled eggs with Italian cheeses, sausage, bacon, sliced cantalope, and freshly made POG. Everyone showers and we are off to church. Home from a wonderful sermon and a time to greet individuals I hadn't seen in a bit. I am getting closer to my moments of peace. I change my clothes and Son #2 and I are off to the mall. He is in need of jeans as the temperatures have cooled and he has grown since the last time they were worn. We jump into the car and grab a coffee for the journey. I am thinking after this errand is finished, I'll have my moments of peace.

Upon arrival at the mall, we head to find the store of choice this trip. I am in need of new jeans myself as I haven't purchased new ones in a few years. My son goes into the dressing room, tries on a few pairs and he is finished. He patiently waits while I try on some jeans and try to configure what the sizing is in this particular store. He comes to my dressing room door, holds my coffee for me and tells me which pair he likes and which he doesn't. It was quite chivalrous. I am impressed with his maturity and the ease with which we are spending time. We head to buy him some new shoes and I tell him that I brought a gift card for The Cheesecake Factory.

I tucked the card in my purse before we left, thinking that I would create a cozy lunch and a share a slice of cheesecake with my teenage son and forge some bonding time. I assumed that shopping with me is torture for him and had planned to use the bribery of food to lessen the blow for him. This is part of my long awaited moments of peace for today. When we arrive at the restaurant, it is extremely crowded - more than 30 people waiting for tables. After inquiring they tell us the wait will be 30 minutes. I feel badly. My plan was ruined. No atmosphere. No special slice of cheesecake. The moments of peace have been thwarted. Perhaps I will find them at home. With that, we leave. We load the packages in the car and return home to eat leftovers from last nights dinner. I feel disappointed.

I head upstairs and change into my new cozy sweats that I bought on our shopping excursion. Ready for some reading time and eventually a good Redskins football game. I am planning an easy taco dinner tonight, nothing terribly difficult, after all, I'm still preparing for my moments of peace.

As I headed into the family room to sit with the family all gathered around the television on a Sunday afternoon I realize how important those moments of peace have become to me. But more importantly, I think about how much of my time is trying to orchestrate the perfect scenario - as if I was the puppetmaster preparing for the show.

I noticed I felt very calm. Very relaxed. I thought about my morning. How blessed I had been to attend a service and see welcoming faces even if it was just for a few moments each. I thought about that shopping excursion with my son. He is such an easy person to be around and I had moments of complete adoration for him...without cheesecake.

I looked around the house to decide what I will now do with my very carefully planned moments of peace that have finally arrived. I pick up the book I have been complaining that I don't have any time to read. No, that's not it. I go to the pantry and think about making the new gluten free cookies in there. No that's not it. Maybe I'll sit with the family and watch a little television. No that's not it either.

I realize that I don't need to arrange "moments of peace". I think I need to find the peace in all I do. And if I really think about it I had a multitude of moments just today alone...guess that's why I don't know what to do with my moments of peace now.